When To Use Compassion Hypnotherapy Replace Destructive Criticism With Self Compassion Hypnotherapy
Following on from our previous E-News, Hypnotherapy For Self - Esteem & Confidence, most of us from an early age, have been told off, shown the errors of our ways or where our work might improve. In fact ironically, I will probably have this page proof read , requesting that someone do just that? Over the years we can internalise or adopt this model and become self critical, we no longer require others to point out what is wrong, we can now do this ourselves. The problem is this becomes habitual, until we have refined this model so well that we consistently look for what is wrong with ourselves and yes, until we can find something wrong, whether there is anything wrong or not. The brain will find what it is looking for, whether it is there or not and if it is not there it will manipulate our perceptions into believing it is there.
As with everything else in our world, a constructive understanding of self requires a balance, self compassion offers the balance to understand and accept ourselves for who we are.
This is difficult for some, who might believe they are required to find what is wrong to improve, which allows a self critical thought process, leading to an erosion of self image.
Hypnotherapy clients often demonstrate a real need for self-compassion. However, in the early days of change we usually experience "slow progress" as we do not think of the self-compassion model quick enough or understand when or how to use self-compassion instead of the old installed critical, destructive inner voice.
These Twenty Examples of when to use self-compassion might help:
1. When you're trying hard but not achieving your aim. Offer yourself compassion for the feelings of frustration and disappointment.
2. When you find yourself comparing yourself with others or others achievements.
3. When you have made a mistake and you're feeling guilt or shame.
4. When you would really like to be perfect and realise that you are not.
5. When you are judging yourself by self imposed or others standards.
6. When you are running late for an appointment and criticising yourself for not leaving earlier.
7. When you believe yourself to have a weakness, inadequacy, or feel that you are unlovable in some way.
8. When you are having a persistent issue and feel lost, confused, even overwhelmed. Give yourself compassion, understanding, and kindness for the lost, confused, overwhelmed feelings.
9. When you have a problem with "doing what you know." For example: you know exercise lifts your mood or you know certain foods will put on more weight or you know alcohol will help you to feel worse the next day, and yet you still spend time on the couch, comfort eat or drink because you "know to do that."
10. When you find yourself trying to use self-criticism to motivate yourself to change your behaviour, even though you know it makes you feel worse.
11. When you want to use self-compassion but feel confused about how to do it. Yes, you can use self-compassion when you're struggling with self-compassion.
12. When you've broken one of your "rules" e.g., about eating, going to bed at a reasonable time, going out with that person again?
13. When you have turned to avoidant coping and you are now suffering the negative consequences e.g., you have avoided having a difficult conversation and now the situation has escalated.
14. When you're feeling angry, jealous, envious, entitled, or selfish and you are criticising yourself for having those feelings.
15. When you're thinking "should" thoughts e.g., "I should be over this problem by now" or "I should have made more progress" or I must pass this exam, Tip: You can change "should" to "could" or "prefer" e.g., I would prefer to have made more progress or I would prefer to pass this exam but I understand that I can learn from this experience.
16. When you have treated someone you care about badly and you're feeling guilty or ashamed.
17. When you are experiencing regret about a decision you have made.
18. When you had an opportunity to learn a lesson previously and have repeated the same mistake.
19. When you want to do the right thing now but you are worried that it is too late e.g., you have lost touch with a friend or a relative you care about and you feel embarrassed about making contact.
20. When you are unsure about which decision to make, e.g., whether to leave a relationship, and you're criticising yourself for feeling uncertain or ambivalent.
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What is Self Compassion
And How Do I Apply
Self Acceptance Is A Good Place To Start.
You Were Not Designed To Be Perfect.
So Love Yourself For Who You Are.
Yes Just As You Are.
Now You Will Make Progress.
What does hygge mean?
Hygge illuminates the Danish soul. In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Cosying up with a loved one for a movie – that’s hygge, too. And there's nothing more hygge than sitting around with friends and family, discussing the big and small things in life. Perhaps hygge explains why the Danes are reportedly some of the happiest people in the world.
Apply a three minute writing exercise.
Write down how you would talk to yourself if you were treating yourself in a kind and understanding way.
Self-compassion needs to include 3 components.
1. Stay with it. Acknowledge that you're a having a difficult moment. Moving away from a subject might feel better in the short term but that will only sustain the issue.
2. Accept that suffering is part of life. You can also acknowledge that whatever type of discomfort you are experiencing many have suffered with the same issue and sometimes worse. Self-criticism tends to make us feel different from other people, isolated and lonely. Self-compassion involves a sense of togetherness, common to humanity.
3. Kindness. How would you be kind to a friend who is going through s similar experience.
Apply this approach to yourself.
We require balance in our life:
Keep a journal of the things that you are grateful for.
Create time for you and introduce Hygge in your life.
Learning to be self-compassionate is a skill.
It might take a while before you are good at it. If you are a therapist and this starts to feel like a Carl Rogers, Person Centred Therapy approach, then you are in the right place. If I can help you to support yourself and become more self-compassionate, please complete the form below.
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